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[loverbaby] 【欲罪】(修正版)

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其实LS说得不错  文笔上是无可挑剔了 但是作者在文章中写得应该是纯西方式玄幻H文
却一直不断不断出现成语 诗句
感觉看起来非常违和 纯西式的玄幻H文吸引人的是那天马行空一般的想象力跟炫丽的魔法系统 但是在文章中似乎得不到充分具体的表现
文章之中似乎用了类似电影版的切镜 这写法相当新颖哦 对于H文来说  值得学习
PS:还是祝大大多写佳作

PS的PS:小弟在这不是故意挑刺 只是希望作者大大能更进一步 莫见怪
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